|Collage by Sarah McMurray|
I've been coming up against a lot of my 'stuff' lately. Well, isn't that always the way? I had a blissful week at the beginning of August. Every day, I did half an hour of voice and movement practice. Every day I did an hour of meditations and spiritual practices.
For the last four days of that week, I attended Dragon Rise Witchcamp, seeing old friends, making new ones, and immersed in a journey of inner discovery with my fellow campers. I was so fully present, I shone. I opened my heart and my voice and shared my song. I wove my shining thread into the shared magic of our temporary community.
Since then, I’ve been in a slump. I think I might have overdone it. Right now, I'm in bed, fighting off a cold/cough thing, and struggling with whether or not I'm allowed to rest.
Well, of course I am, but parts of me really don't believe it. Because it's completely possible to believe two contradictory things at the same time.
Sometimes, it's the fore-brain and the hind-brain that are telling the self two different things. For example, when there’s a big presentation to deliver, we simultaneously believe that it's a good thing to give this presentation - it will stretch us and show us off - and that the best thing to do is to run away and hide under the bed.
Sometimes, it's our core desires and the culture that surrounds us that are pulling us in two different directions. We simultaneously believe that we have the right to be our whole self and set off on our own adventures, and have absorbed the idea from the over-culture that if we set off on our own path we'll be rejected, lose our partner, our friends, our job, and all our possibilities for 'success'.
To discern which belief to go with in any moment takes a great deal of clarity and courage. As women we constantly underestimate and undervalue the work and the bravery it takes us to live as conscious souls every day.
I've been brought up against my own confusion and fear since a friend of mine received a message from the Divine for me: that I needed to enter a competition, and that I needed to enter to win. Following that message, I’ve been taking part in Maggie Ostara's Next Great Visionary Business competition. It's bringing up all kinds of issues. Who am I to think I'm a visionary? Am I really cut out to be a business woman? Can I really win the competition?
That last one is a big deal for me - a really big deal. I've never thought of myself as a competitive person. It goes against my self-image of being ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ and ‘spiritual’ to think of myself that way. And too, the idea that I have something so worthwhile to share that I would be willing to risk failure, to risk losing, to risk being seen and rejected, sends my hind-brain into a tail-spin of panic.
But I also believe that the message from the Divine for me was true. It's time to change my self-image. I do have something important to share, something so worthwhile that it's time to stop shrinking back and start singing out my vision, to start weaving my shining thread into the wider world, as well as into my spiritual community.
It’s going to take clarity and courage. It’s going to take discernment to follow the path of love between my contradictory beliefs, between pushing forward and giving myself rest, between my inner “Yes” and my inner “No”.
I’m not sure I’m ready, but I’m doing it anyway.
How about you? What are the contradictory beliefs that keep you stuck, or second guessing yourself? How do you navigate your way through them?
Elinor Predota is a heart-centred rebel who teaches people to find the sparkle in ordinary life and to embark on a new adventure every day. She's intuitive, nurturing, incisive, and lots of fun :-) She loves animals, chocolate, hugging, dancing, singing, laughing, nature, music, making stuff, vibrant food, breathing, magic(k), science fiction and fantasy, and awesome people." You can also connect with her on Facebook and Pinterest.